whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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