i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
