there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
