Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
