You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
