There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
