look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
