I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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