Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
