great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
