You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
