i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
