dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
