Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
