So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
