the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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