Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
