1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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