I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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