We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
