Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Randomize
