i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
