Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
