She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
