take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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