i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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