I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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