You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
