I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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