he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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