remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's shark week go big or go home
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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