I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
