some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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