happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
