How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
