DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
