someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
