I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
