just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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