btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
