and you said cock pushups were impossible
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I am mentally ready for anal.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
