My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
