My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
