matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
