i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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