On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
