Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
