Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
what day is it and did you see me today?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
