Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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