Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Nicole vs. Life
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
