i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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