Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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