Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize