So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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