I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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