He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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