there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
