Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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