thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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