I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize