wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
