lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
