Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize