So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
where am i from again
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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