Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
