I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
