I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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