After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
