i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
