I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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