you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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