There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
