u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So much rum. So many feels.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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