i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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