hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
