Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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