I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
