He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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