Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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