She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
There r osticjed everywhere
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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