how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
