he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
