I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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