well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
