Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
