You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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