DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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