i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
