she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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