i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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