i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
