We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize