4 words: hood of his car
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
