I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
