Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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